My word the days go by so quickly. It's been over a month since I last posted anything, but I do check in almost everyday. Just can't get the momentum to actually write some thoughts down.
Rebeca is off getting a facial and the girls are down for a nap. :)
Halloween- Isa had the idea to be the "Tortoise and the Hare". At first when she told Rebeca that she wanted to be a hare, Rebeca thought she meant "hair". We put together both costumes, and they ended up as a cute little pair. Maya rocked her tortoise shell and didn't want to take it off. They collected lots of candy that Rebeca and I are still munching on.
Work has been going well. We're in the busy holiday season. I'm so NOT a crafty person which is a detriment in pre-k. :P Plus I don't really appreciate prescribed "art" for young children. Do I care if their centerpiece is not completely perfect? No. Do I care if they want to color their snowman purple? No. But so many other teachers do. Pleh. I know they want to make something nice for the parents, but as a parent I'd rather have something that my kid actually did. Not a nicely cut out tree or stocking that my child only gets to glue a cotton ball on, in a specific place of course. I've definitely become the token hippy lesbian of my workplace.
One morning on the way to work Isa piped up from the back seat. "Mommy, I need a father."
Me: You do? How come?
Isa: Everyone else has a father.
Me: You don't have a father, but you have two moms who love you.
Isa: Yeah. *pause* I also need a cat.
*sigh* She brought it up again a couple weeks later. I did the whole "all families are different, but they're all good." thing and that was that. But it does rip right into my heart each time. And I sometimes wonder if we weren't being selfish... wanting to have children. Knowingly bringing these two girls into the world, and knowing that they would perhaps be ostracized because of our choice. I hate when I think this because I also know that Isa and Maya are unconditionally loved and adored. Is that going to be enough?
4 comments:
wow nothing and then 3 posts.
My friends girls went to a child psycologist who said that when your kids tell you things ie "I wish I had a dad", you shouldn't respond with, "but you have 2 mommies and 2 mommies are special and cool"
that we are supposed to say, "I'm sorry that you are sad that you don't have a dad. I'll bet that makes you feel bad"
Acknowlegement is all that they need.
They know that they have 2 moms. They've heard the story about how everyone's families are different. They still feel different and need to be heard.
Just something I heard and wanted to share. I hadn't thought about it. I was planning on telling them the same thing....2 moms rock ! :)
LOVE the costumes. What an awesome idea.
Sorry about your mom getting it on. wow. that would be hard. yuck.
I think I read that somewhere too, but of course in the moment I probably got defensive. :P I'll need to remember that for next time. As I'm sure there will be one.
Thanks for your sympathy. lol But in my happy place all they do is hold hands. RIGHT?!
Well, I don't want to rain on your guilt parade, BUT - everybody wants something they haven't got! I realize that because you CHOSE this for your daughters you are more directly responsible. Still. Your girls have more than lots of children out there.
And the truth is that as kids grow they become really good at yanking their parents guilt chain. (And, no, I'm not saying kids are manipulative. I'm saying they are asking for what they want, they are trying to meet their own particular needs. And that need might not be a DAD, it might just be reassurance, it might just be information...)
Yes, your girls are missing a daddy. Yes, you choose this. Yes, they are going to ask and wonder and you're all going to have to live through that particular issue.
My kids are growing up with Dad who is growing weaker and can't work and mom is no longer at home and gone working more and more and more. They used to have a mom at home and strong daddy going to work every day and coming home to wrestle and play. Now they hear "I'm too tired right now" from both parents more often than not.
No we didn't choose MS, it chose us. Still. we've got to navigate this in our lives. Our kids don't care that we can't change Dad's disease. They want to know right now why they can't have their lives look and be the way they want. We listen, we let them cry and complain and we listen. And sometimes that's all they need and sometimes we do the whole talk of why things are the way they are, because it makes us feel better to give them reasons and remind them of all the good they do have.
I think it's all in how you talk and are honest. The above poster is right in my estimation: empathy is key - being heard is so important, most of all when you are young.
AND, letting the guilt go. You are two loving Moms, your girls are lucky and different. But not so different unless that is how you choose to view it.
Ok, stepping off my soapbox now....
I worry about the daddy stuff, being a mama to twin boys. The good thing is we are surrounded my men. I have 3 brothers, my dad, a ton of uncles and cousins, and my BIL and FIL, who are both avid hunters and fishermen, and my best friend who is the coolest and awesomest guy I have the privilege of knowing. I worry that/when they will ask why they don't have one, I won't have an answer that is satisfactory. Acknowledgement is the best we can do, and continue to show them through our actions and love, that maybe Daddy's aren't necessary. I dunno...that maybe two moms are FREAKING AWESOME!!
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