As you all know, I've been working out pretty consistently over the past year. I've fallen off the workout wagon a couple of times, but I'd always feel super gross and go back. My main goal for all of this was to get off my diabetes meds.
I've lost a couple of pants sizes and a bra size. I feel awesome and my body feels different. Stronger, more toned. I feel better than I ever have! BUT I haven't really lost any weight, number wise. It's been super frustrating.
Tonight I'm going to come out. I've only told Rebeca and Carla. But I think I need some accountability. Even though I don't really know most of you. *sigh*
Last week I got an email from my doctor saying that he wants me to start insulin.
I always thought that I wasn't THAAAT sick since I was only on oral meds. I saw insulin as The End and as long as I wasn't on that...then I was okay.
Fuck me.
I feel like a complete failure. I'm scared, and I just want to bury my head under my pillow and ignore it all. I want to pretend that I never received the email and avoid my doctor for as long as I can.
But I know I can't. Especially now that I've told Rebeca. She didn't flip out as badly as I thought she would. Even when I started the conversation with, "Now don't freak out..." *grin*
She's always had the Steel Magnolias fear. That I would die and leave her. I've always scoffed about it. And now...
Fuck me.
My workouts have a whole new meaning. I need to do more. Go harder and watch what I eat. That's the hardest part. I fucking love food.
I need to save my life.
7 comments:
So sorry. I love food too and know I need to change the way I eat. It's like a drug though--hard to give up anything.
I hope things work out better for you. If things change can you be off of the insulin???
Ugh - this totally sucks. The insulin part not the part where you're trying really hard and no one - not even you - should knock that part. I've made some serious changes to my body in the last four months and STILL can't seem to bring my blood pressure down. I constantly feel it looming over my head and I know, intellectually, that I'm doing all I can but I still expect the doctor to scold. So I get it. You CAN get to your goals. Articulate them, be passionate about them (I cut out pictures - lame I know, but it helped) and try something new (we tried the Whole 30 Challenge and it changed our lives). I'm with you on this one. It's hard and important. PS - sometimes our bodies are assholes even though we're doing everything "right". Don't kick yourself.
Fuck everything about that.
That sucks !
I'm so sorry.
Keep up the hard work. I know you can do this. I know you have the strength and perseverance.
If you are dropping sizes and no pounds that just means your body mass index is changing. That's AWESOME !
Food is not our friend. Food is not our friend. This fight is between you and the food my dear.
Accountability is also all on you.
What I know. and I don't *really* know you. ;-) is that you are strong and when something pisses you off and WATCH OUT !
I think your best motivation my friend will be to think of those 2 beautiful girls. 2 girls you are going to want to be healthy not only as an example for...but also to be alive for.
Huge cyber hug !
I'm so sorry, but you know what? That might just be what it takes to kick you into overdrive. You have been kicking ass in your workouts, but now it means more. And I'd imagine that you will look at food differently now too. I know you can do this (even though I don't "know" you...)!
Super shitty. Sorry, friend. I think it's awesome though that this has given you a HUGE amount of motivation and it sounds like you're doing everything right. I know everyone says this but try to take it a day at a time and don't beat yourself up too much. Sending you support from NM!
I always read in reader and never actually on blogs...but I am catching up on comments and just wanted to let you know that I am sending you good vibes and lots of support on this next part of your journey! xoxo
Post a Comment