If Only...

About a week ago, my friend Monica posted this question on FB. 

“How would your life be different if you didn't have to worry about your physical safety? Meaning, if you didn’t have to worry about physical/sexual violence... what things (no matter how mundane or seemingly small) would you do differently, stop doing, or perhaps even start doing for the first time, if sexual/physical violence didn't exist? ready, go.”

I posted a few answers like “I’d run anywhere at any time.” And “I wouldn’t worry about my daughters being around others, especially men, without me.” 

Tonight I was reminded about this post. 

My friend and I were leaving a restaurant and were walking to my car.  It was a well lit sidewalk and on a very busy street.  We were talking loudly and laughing as we normally do.  Suddenly a man seemed to come out of nowhere.  He was young and was carrying something wrapped in a blue bandana sandwiched in his hands.  It was if he were concealing something.  He seemed to be walking toward us, then would amble away, then cross our path again.  It was all very strange.  My first thought was that he was going to rob us.  He looked a little drunk and he was walking so slowly. 

As I thought about it, later in the car, I remembered how I instinctively put my car key in my hand, jutting outward, and at the same time, my friend and I grew quiet and looked at one another.  Nothing happened, but we anticipated that Something might. 

As women it seems like we’re conditioned to do this.  We are Aware. 

I’m going to add a few more things to my list.  And I think that most of my women friends will nod in agreement at many of them.  Unfortunately. 

 If sexual/physical violence didn’t exist…

I would hold Rebeca’s hand in public without fear. 

I wouldn’t feel like I HAD to smile or say “hi” back to men on the streets. 

I wouldn’t worry about being around large groups of men. 

I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable being in an elevator, stairwell or other small spaces alone with a male. 

I would feel safe leaving my friend alone in a bar or club. 

I would feel safe selling/buying things on Craigslist. 

I wouldn’t have to try to explain to my daughters why wearing such short shorts is not okay. 

I would let my daughters wear bikinis without a second thought. 

I wouldn’t have felt slightly panicked when the girls said a man talked to them when they were playing outside. 

I wouldn’t have to explain to my daughters about “private areas” on their bodies and how they have to let us know if anyone EVER touches them there. 

I wouldn’t have to consider buying a gun. 

 

There are so many more.  Everyday.  At all times.  We work to keep ourselves safe. 

 Please add your own voices.  What would/n’t you do?