#WhenWeRise

Watching the program “When We Rise” has got me feeling and remembering things from a very long time ago…

I remember women’s centers.  And women’s bookstores.  Safe havens as long as you were brave enough to breach the threshold.

 

I remember our small town bar.  The entrance behind the main building and down dark steps.  We were free, inside, to be ourselves, but left in groups to minimize threats of assault or harassment. 

I remember putting my first rainbow sticker on the trunk of my car.  Bile rose in my throat as I grasped the significance.  I wasn’t brave, just young. 

I remember a friend who was beaten and raped, because she looked like a he.  A he who They thought was a fag.  She was then fired from her job for taking too much time off after being attacked.  Her absence was an inconvenience to her employer. 

I remember protesting outside of a bar where we were not safe.  Holding signs and chanting.  Beer bottles thrown at us and cars honking.  My girlfriend in her car across the street to make sure I didn’t get arrested.  I so hoped to be arrested. 

I remember our meetings.  Silently, cautiously going to an unmarked conference room in the campus center.  Aware that anyone could see what group I was a part of, and trying so hard not to care.

 

I remember Matthew Shepard.  We stood in the parking lot of the hospital, gazing up to where we thought his room was.  We held candles.  We prayed.  We thought...we are not safe. 

I remember teasing my mom.  Smiling and asking, “How could you not tell?”  I remember her looking at me and spitting out the words, “Why would I EVER think such a thing about you?”  I remember my heart shredding, then scarring and then hardening.  It would never be the same. 

I remember sitting on panels and speaking in classes.  I told my story and showed how I was “just like them”.  I remember stares and snickers that let me know, “no, you’re not”.  Some people were happy that we were there and thanked us.     

I remember my friends from those days.  The strength we had when we were together.  Their bravery, their voices.  I remember thinking that we would never be equal.  That we would never be able to marry the person that we loved.  But that we would always continue to fight.   

Seems like a lifetime ago. 

I remember the day that I stood in the sand, holding the hands of the woman that I love.  I remember reciting our vows and the smiling faces that celebrated our union.  I remember the whale breaching in the distance and the albatross soaring overhead.  It was a perfect day.   

In order to get to this, we had to go through that. 

#whenwerise