Yes, we are still together.
In fact, we just returned from our very first kid-free
trip. Ever. Like ever.
Isa is 10 years old for fucks sake.
It’s amazing we’ve stayed together this long.
We haven’t been the best at taking care of our relationship,
but we’re working on it.
I guess love is enough.
And genuinely liking each other helps too.
I told Rebeca that I’ve been telling people that we’re going
on this trip to “save our marriage”.
Always with a grin and a chuckle.
Kidding. Not kidding. And of course people are unsure how to
react. I throw them into an awkward
space of wait….is she serious?
I am. Kinda. I’m also starting the conversation of- shit
happens in all relationships. Gay ones
too. No matter how hard I’d like to
portray gay relationships as prefect and infallible, we face the same
challenges and road construction. We
need maintenance.
And, honestly, we haven’t been doing the maintenance we should
have been. The pot holes that could’ve
been fixed so easily have turned into major sinkholes over time.
I don’t know where I’m going with this construction imagery.
Our communication styles are
similar. Toxic. We both think the other person can read our
mind and we get frustrated when they can’t.
We both only state things half way so that we don’t start a fight….which
inevitably leads to a fight. We say
hurtful things because we know it will get a reaction. We both want the other person to give a shit
but we can’t express that need. We’re a
hot mess.
But we’re working on it.
And even though Asians don’t do therapy, I’ve been going to
see someone for the past month or so.
Sometimes I leave really really really angry with Rebeca. Sometimes I leave extremely sad. There’s all kinds of introspection
involved. So much talking about feelings
and shit. No wonder Asians don’t do
therapy. I’m kind of loving it.
And so we’re chugging along.
And after this weekend, and our trip, I feel refreshed about Us. We both showed up. Spoke kindly.
Treaded gently.
There were no fireworks or grandiose moments of showy love,
but it wasn’t about that. It was a reminder
that when I look over to the other side of the table, her face is the only one
I want to see.
4 comments:
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So nice to read an update. Sometimes we really do need to stop and work on the relationship, right? It can be so hard and you've had a big move and other things going on so it's understandable that things were lost. I love that you had a kid-free trip. I would so love that right now but will have to wait as baby is just 3 months old. :P
Thanks for submitting this post to Blogging for LGBTQ Families Day and reminding us to take care of ourselves, too!
This makes me happy! Hopefully you got laid on your moms only trip and if not, I've come to realize that the more G and I do stuff like what you write about here, the more we want to love and "love" each other - so it can only help, right?!
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