Day 3

My first love...

Well there was my babysitter when I was 8. She played the clarinet and her name was Laura. There were two bffs in middle school. I made them mixed tapes and wrote them notes about my undying "friendship". :) Then there was my Asst. Manager at The Nature Company one winter during college. She had a fabulous accent and shared my love of books.

If you ask Rebeca she'll tell you that I "fall in love" just about everyday. That USED to be true until it was no longer funny.

I loved my first gf in a "wow a girl I like is actually kissing me back" kinda way. We were friends/teammates that turned into a little more for a short while. She was straight and young. There was no way it would have lasted. But it was sweet for what it was.

I loved my second gf for being more of what I wanted. She was gay for one and a Christian. What more could I ask for? She said she loved me before we had even met in person. She gave me a ring just a few months into our relationship. She needed me to be her new addiction. To take the place of the alcohol, pot, gambling and porn. So many red flags. But we hung in there for 2+ years draining each other of everything that meant anything. She finally left me for someone who could be more of what she wanted.

I met Rebeca and DID NOT want to fall in love. I railed against my growing affections for her, thinking that it was too soon. Too fast. Too U-Hauly. But there she was. She was everything. So much that I couldn't handle it. I pushed knowing that she would not chase me. That she would let me go if that's what I wanted. That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted her because There. She. Was. And that was everything. When I think about the last 10 years, there has never been a day that I haven't loved her. Even in our darkest moments. She is my LOVE in capital letters. Underlined with a PERIOD.