There's this weekly playgroup that meets at a park close to where we live. It's a mom's group although I haven't really engaged with them yet. I just know it's a good opportunity for Isa to play with other kids. We're on our way this morning, early even, when all of a sudden I hear a loud thwacking on the side of my car. In my rear view mirror I see something come loose but the car behind me is too close for me to see what it was. Seconds later I hear the familiar whapping of a flat tire. Damn.
This isn't a huge problem, since I know how to change a tire, but I've only changed them on my old Saturn and never with two kids in the car. I get out my jack and start to lift my CR-V. The very unfeminist part of me comes out as I really wish someone would pull over and help me. Then I get mad at that part and crank on. And on. And on.
I also figure no one is going to want to help a frumpy looking woman, and wish that I had done my hair and put in my contacts. So stupid. So pathetic. Crank crank crank crank... I think my car has actually lifted about 1/16 of an inch.
Then out of the corner of my eye, I see a truck pull up. I'm not too worried about being killed because we're on a pretty busy highway, but I am suddenly worried about being seen as a helpless female. I know, I'm a freak. A young guy gets out of the car and asks if I need help. I actually pause for a second, but my laziness gets the better of me and I say yes. For the next 30 minutes I waver between letting him just work on the tire and doing things so that I don't look completely useless. I have issues. At one point I got all macho and lifted my old tire back onto the back of my car. But then I couldn't tighten the screw things since he had the what is that called? Wrench? I just tried googling and can't find it...what the hell is that called? Anyway so I could only tighten them so far.
He finished up and I tried to give him a check. I felt like such a putz. He declined repeatedly and said that he just wanted to "bless me". Um, okay. Off he went and off we went to the park.
On one hand I really felt like I modeled badly by allowing a guy to help me with something I could have totally done myself. On the other, it was hot and I didn't want to deal with it. Ugh. Someone take away my "woman power" card. I feel so shady when I use my perceived female weakness to my advantage. I'm just perpetuating the stereotype- short, asian, female as helpless as if she had bound feet. Grrr. But then I also think, why not accept help from a totally nice guy? Why get all defensive when really he probably just wants to help. At least I know that I could have done it by myself. ** Note to self: Accept help, but also make sure the girls know that women can do shit too.**
So this entry kind of relates to one that I've been thinking about in my head for a while. Titled, "What The Hell Has Happened To Me?"
Being a SAHM has been great! It really has. My image of what it would be like often is a reality. Going to the zoo, making pizza for lunch, strolling around the mall...all things that I envisioned and that we do. BUT some days as I'm hanging out another load of laundry or shopping for dinner, I wonder what happened to Stacy?
I feel so tragically Un-hip. Like my reality does not portray me as who I feel I am. Not that I've ever been so uber with it, but I at least had an identity. I feel like going out and getting my ears gauged, just to have some semblance of "cool" again. I want to get my final tattoos, but bills come first. I want to go and stay in a hotel over the weekend with Rebeca, have great hotel sex and room service! Is that so much to ask? I know one day we'll be able to do these things again, I just hope that I still want to.
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