I may be Japanese, but I can still be gay!

Ok. I've been thinking about this blog for some time, and hopefully I'll be able to type down exactly what my thoughts are.

Since Lingle's veto of the civil unions bill, I've been more and more motivated to "get involved". I used to be such a good little lesbian, but my role as mommy has taken over. Excuses excuses. I know.

When I first came out as a wee baby dyke I lived in Colorado and was in college. Lots of support and lots of community. And NO family members within 1000 miles. It was very easy for me to speak on panels, have a huge rainbow triangle on my car, protest wherever I was needed, participate in Dyke March (although I kept my shirt on) and to overall be a very vocal and visible lesbiana. As I grew older I removed my rainbow sticker and participated in fewer protests. I continued to be completely out and Rebeca and I never hid our relationship. When we had Isa it was "coming out" all over again. Especially when she started introducing us as "mama" and "mommy" to whoever passed her cart in Target.

Moving to Hawaii has challenged my gayness in a way I've never had to experience. Denver Pride=70,000+ people, Hawaii Pride=300ish people. It's an amazing difference in how Pride looks and feels.

As a Japanese woman, there are certain...expectations that I am supposed to fulfill. First and foremost, I should never do anything to "shame" my family. Yes. Very Memoirs of a Geisha. Japanese parents will disown without hesitation. It's how it is. Especially parents my mom's age and older.

I came out to my mom over e-mail. :P I told her I was bi (HA!). Before sending this e-mail, I made arrangements for a place to live and a job to work. I was fully expecting to be disowned or at least shunned for a while. Amazingly she wrote back and said all the right things. It was quite liberating. And of course it was never spoken of again for the next 3 years or so. Typical.

This little story brings me to my new life as a Hawaii lesbian.

Apologetically. That's how I think so many gaysians (gay asians) live in Hawaii. They are so thankful that their family tolerates them, that they don't want to do anything to bring shame. They aren't vocal or political because it's enough for them that they haven't been exiled. It's not surprising. I think the reason Hawaii is so behind when it comes to gay rights is that there isn't any visibility. We "local kids" aren't speaking out, and are letting transplanted mainlanders and college students do all the work.

Now that I'm home it's my challenge to be more vocal. I'm not worried about shaming my family. I think being on the mainland for so long helped me get over that a little bit. Plus, I need to show my daughters that things that matter are worth fighting for. That we don't have to be typical Japanese girls who only think "family first". We can believe in ourselves and in our right to be who we are.

I feel lucky that I came out far away from Hawaii. (Although the reason I did come out was because more and more Hawaii people in Colorado were finding out. I knew it was just a matter of time before the news reached my mom. Even that far away, the island grapevine is alive and well. Sickening.) I was able to find my voice and I never felt guilty about who I was. My mom (and dad) never said that they were proud of me, but they never said anything that made me think that they loved me any less. Pretty progressive even though most wouldn't think so.

That's all I really had to say.